


Why Not Me

by DopamineX



Series: You’re My First, My Forever [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst...?, Best Friends, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, But.. ya.. it’s angsty.. and well.. ya.. just read, Can be read as stand-alone, Childhood Friends, Crushes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hyunwoo LOVES kissing Hyungwon, Idiots in Love, It’s cute tho!, Kissing, M/M, Minhyuk Jooheon and Hoseok are just mentioned, Pre-Relationship, Showhyung are extremely whipped for each other, Soft Kisses, Stupid Boys, This is fic just full on feelings lol, idk how to write angst lol, idk.. it’s supposed to be a series, it’s how i write fics.. sorry, loads of kissing though!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 00:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DopamineX/pseuds/DopamineX
Summary: Hyungwon and Hyunwoo are in love with each other but are scared of labelling themselves something apart from Best Friends (who kiss. A lot. Ya..)And then Hyungwon does something that makes Hyunwoo regret not making the younger his own when he could have.





	Why Not Me

**Author's Note:**

> This CAN BE read as stand-alone but feel free to read from One and Only (part 1 of this series)  
It will make the reading experience better! (I hope it will it anyway)
> 
> If you liked this fic, please leave comments and kudos.  
They motivate me (and other writers) to keep writing!
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> PS. this is the [theme song](https://youtu.be/-F3hR6EABK0) of this series/fic  
So please do give it a listen

“Hyung! So, Minhyuk was like, ‘Don’t you think it would be so fucking hot if Hoseok, Kihyun and I have a threesome?’ Like eww! I do _ not _want to know! Hoseok is literally dating Kihyun… and Minhyuk is like a completely indecisive piece of shit!” Hyungwon exclaimed and rolled his eyes. Hyunwoo snorted as he continued staring at the younger, taking in his every feature as if he’d never see him ever again.

Hyunwoo was whipped like that. Sadly.

“He has a crush on _ both _ of them! He said he’d approach them in Yunhyeong’s party tomorrow… Because, and I quote,” Hyungwon made air quotes with both his hands and Hyunwoo looked on, an amused expression on his face. “‘There would be alcohol, Wonnie! I’ll make sure someone keeps serving those poorly disguised fruit-punch-which-is-just-barely-any-juice-but-loads-of-wine-and-beer-and-stuff! Then they’d get _ so drunk! _Then I can approach them and we’d all bang together, oh my God!’” Hyungwon imitated their friend perfectly and Hyunwoo burst out laughing, grabbing the younger’s thigh unconsciously. 

Once he noticed, once Hyungwon noticed, it didn’t change anything. Hyunwoo let his hand rest of Hyungwon’s thigh. The younger blushed but didn’t do move away or push the hand off. He couldn’t. Not when it felt so deliciously hot against his skin. It was one of the reasons he wore shorts, so that the older would touch, skin on skin. The tingles it sent up his nerves had him slightly biting his bottom lip.

They were in Hyungwon’s room, sitting across each other, cross-legged on the younger’s bed. As always, they dropped by each other’s place after school. One day Hyunwoo would go over to the younger’s, one day Hyungwon would come over to his.

Hyunwoo was sixteen and Hyungwon was fifteen now. A whole year ago Hyunwoo had kissed his gorgeous best friend once again. They’d kissed _ a lot _ since then. _ A lot. _

They made out quite often, actually. But only Hyunwoo initiated it. 

And they’d _ still _ not given their _ thing _ a label. 

Maybe they were scared that it would ruin their friendship, what they had going. Somehow.

Hyunwoo thought it was ridiculous but he did nothing to change it.

In the past year, he had come to realize that he was completely in love with Hyungwon. He loved the younger with _ every goddamn fibre of his very being _! 

But he _ was _scared of asking the younger out. Of putting a label. Of taking it further for both of them.

Because Hyungwon, he was so sure, wasn’t as deeply into it as Hyunwoo was… and that sucked so majorly.

His best friend might push him away if Hyunwoo asked him out and put a different label for them.

He hated it. He wanted to be able to call Hyungwon _ his _ but he couldn’t. And it just made his life really, _ really _ angsty sometimes. He sulked thinking about it. But then he would just go over to the younger’s when it got too bad and kiss him deeply, lovingly, pouring his everything into those kisses. Kissing Hyungwon always lifted his mood. Without fail.

When they kissed, it felt like Hyungwon loved him as much as Hyunwoo loved him. 

The younger would kiss him back like Hyunwoo was made of porcelain and it left Hyunwoo so stunned each time. Hyungwon always treated like him he was something extremely precious, like he’d break. Maybe he was nervous and a teeny bit scared of pushing Hyunwoo away if he were firmer. It was a little funny because Hyunwoo was as sturdy as it’d go at their age. And it was cute because Hyunwoo was so whipped for Hyungwon that he’d never push him away. Ever.

But it was extremely touching and it just made him fall even more for the younger.

But a while after they would part, Hyunwoo would feel sad again. It was such a roller coaster of emotions for him and he wasn’t even an emotional person!

People called him a robot or poker faced for crying out loud! But Hyungwon… he brought out every emotion in Hyunwoo. He made Hyunwoo feel and do things he never would have done, if it hadn't been for the younger.

“Hyung… he is… I don’t know.” Hyungwon’s voice brought his attention back to the present. He had been staring at the younger very intensely, he figured. Hyungwon’s red cheeks and neck indicated that. 

“We’re fifteen, hyung! _ Fifteen! _ But he wants to _ bang?! _What the fuck… is wrong with him?! Can’t he choose someone available…”

Hyunwoo shrugged. “Well, they were _ both _single when Minhyuk fell for them…”

“Is this bloody Twilight?! Who falls for two people… I don’t know..” Hyungwon threw his hands up and then sighed. The younger was just so adorable, the way he spoke was too cute and Hyunwoo just sighed dreamily.

“He is in such a complicated position right now… His crushes love each other. Like, he can’t even get jealous. Hell, he finds it ‘hot’ that they’re dating. I have seen him just sigh dreamily whenever Hoseok kisses Kihyun before class.” Hyungwon ran his fingers through his hair and met the older’s eyes.

“Then later, he gets all sad.. He is a complete weirdo but I feel bad for him, hyung..”

Hyunwoo hummed as he bent forward and pulled the younger closer to him.

Hyungwon fell into the older’s lap, his eyes widening. He smacked the older on the chest, making him grin mischievously. Hyungwon rolled his eyes and moved to the head of the bed and sat next to the older, now facing the same direction as him. Earlier, he had been sitting cross-legged, face-to-face with the older.

Hyungwon stretched his legs out and rested his head on Hyunwoo’s shoulder.

“But you know what! Jooheon actually asked him to go for it! And he has a _ crush on Minhyuk?!” _He turned towards Hyunwoo, his expression incredulous. “Why are my friends so goddamn angsty-“ 

Hyungwon got cut off, his eyes widening again, when Hyunwoo suddenly held his chin between his fingers and kissed him smack on the lips. 

It happened so fast and out of nowhere that Hyungwon froze. 

Hyunwoo pulled back immediately and grinned widely, a shit eating grin like before.

Hyungwon blushed a bright red and smacked the older’s chest again, not hard, but not softly either.

“Hyung..” Hyungwon whined as he hid his face in his palms. Hyunwoo giggled next to him and kissed the side of his neck, making him feel hotter and become even more red.

“Maybe Jooheon is a voyeur. Maybe he wants to see Min in action.” Hyunwoo chuckled and continued their conversation as if nothing had happened.

Hyungwon looked up from his hands and widened his eyes at the older in disbelief. Hyunwoo just giggled and then pecked him on the lips once again.

His hyung was really impossible. And it was doing really bad things to his heart.

He shook his head at himself. Hyunwoo was going to kill him one day. Someday soon.

The older turned Hyungwon’s face towards his own using gentle fingers to his chin. Hyungwon looked up, one eyebrow cocked up and Hyunwoo bent forward to capture his lips again. 

The younger shut his eyes and let himself enjoy this kiss.

Probably their last kiss.

Because of what he had done that day and how he had to tell Hyunwoo about it…

He kissed the older back deeply, cupping his face with his palms and Hyunwoo let out tiny but sexy moan and it made Hyungwon’s heart ache.

What had he done… 

Abruptly, Hyungwon pulled away and hid his face in his palms once again. But this time not out of shyness.

But out of.. guilt, regret, sadness and other mixed emotions he couldn’t really separate from each other and name.

Hyunwoo nuzzled his nose in the crook of the younger’s neck, tickling him a little.

“Wonnie. What is it, baby?” 

‘_ Baby.’ Hyunwoo called me ‘baby’. That’s a first and what shitty timing… _

Hyungwon wanted to cry. And facepalm himself. Hard. Painfully. Over and over.

He wanted to beg Hyunwoo to stop messing with his fragile heart. And after what he had done today, it just wouldn’t be fair to him or Hyunwoo… or.. 

Hyungwon sighed. He removed his hands from his face but didn’t dare look at his Hyunwoo hyung. 

He had to tell him. It was only fair.

“Hyung.. I.. Today…” Hyungwon struggled to reiterate what had happened as he felt a little like crying. He wanted to go back in time and change how he had done things. But.. he couldn’t do anything now. It would be so rude.

“You know that basketball vice captain, right… Your classmate...”

Hyunwoo nuzzled his neck with the tip of his nose again, before placing a tiny kiss there. “Yeah. What about him?”

Then another kiss to the side of his neck. Hyungwon squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to do this. He wanted to cry so badly. But that would solve _ nothing _. He could tell the older and ask for a solution. He knew the older would suggest exactly the same solution he had in his mind. But it would still.. break the older’s heart and Hyungwon didn’t want to do that.

But.. he was stupid. And he had to face the consequences.

Hyungwon moved away from the older as politely as possible. He didn’t want to hurt the older. 

He looked at Hyunwoo, who was frowning at the added distance. Hyungwon had never pushed away from him before…. Except once, before the younger’s class, when Hyunwoo had pecked him on the lips and they were both getting late.

“Hyung…” Hyungwon wanted to apologise. But he didn’t know if he was supposed to. He was. But… it would just sound weird.. 

Hyunwoo and Hyungwon weren’t _ together _together. They were.. best friends.. who cuddled and slept in each other’s arms. And kissed. A lot. God, this was kind of twisted, right? Ugh…

“Hyungwonnie. You know you can tell me anything, right?” Hyunwoo squeezed his hand and held on, trying to comfort him. It was really sweet. But it just made Hyungwon sadder.

“Hyung.. he.. he uh.. he likes me. Has for a while. So, he kept asking me out and I kept rejecting him. But today,” Hyungwon facepalmed himself and he felt Hyunwoo slip away his hand.

That hurt.

Quite a bit.

It disappointed Hyungwon but _ he _was the one who moved away in the first place. He was the one who.. ruined it.

“T-Today he asked me again. He begged me. Almost went on his knees. It was cute, hyung.” Hyungwon finally looked up at the older, who had an unreadable expression on his face. Hyunwoo had built the walls around his heart again as he regarded the younger with his standard poker face.

“I-I s-said yes. To him..” Hyungwon stuttered out and saw something like hurt pass through the older’s eyes but it immediately disappeared and Hyungwon wasn’t sure what he saw. He averted his gaze.

“I told him I would go with him on _ one _ date. Just _ one _. Then he’d leave me alone. Hopefully.” He glanced at the older again. 

Hyunwoo gave him a small smile. It was very cute. Or maybe Hyungwon was very very whipped. He’d never know. But he did know his hyung was the most gorgeous guy he’d ever seen in his life and he had done the stupidest thing by saying yes to that Vice Captain.

“That’s great, Wonnie. You should try date people. Guys. Girls. With how gorgeous you look,” Hyungwon blushed, averting his gaze to the bedsheet, “you should’ve started dating ages ago. I guess I held you back. I’m sorry.”

Hyungwon immediately glanced at the older, his neck almost hurting from the kind-of-whiplash, all the words ready in his mouth to tell Hyunwoo that, ‘no. He wasn’t holding him back.’ Hyungwon was in love with _ him! _ This Vice Captain dude didn’t mean anything! _ Nobody _meant anything to him, except his Hyunwoo. God, he loved him so much. He was such an idiot!

“I did. Don’t deny it.” Hyunwoo spoke fast, before Hyungwon could protest.

“I have held you back since last year. I-I’m sorry.” The older broke eye contact and looked at his hands in his lap.

Hyungwon moved closer and turned the older’s face towards his own. Their eyes met and he could _ see _the walls in his hyung’s eyes. He wasn’t being his true self right now. 

It broke Hyungwon. He did this. He really was an idiot.

“No. You didn’t hold me back. Don’t say sorry.” Hyunwoo hummed and tried to look away but Hyungwon didn’t let go of his chin. The older sighed before meeting his eyes again.

He looked.. a little.. tired..

“D-Do you regret it?” Hyungwon asked and then wanted to smack himself. They both knew what he meant. 

He dropped his hand but maintained eye contact, though he desperately wanted to look away.

He saw Hyunwoo’s true self, the one he showed to very few people, Hyungwon being one of those few. He was one of the lucky few who had the honour of seeing robot, poker faced Hyunwoo fade away. He made introvert Hyunwoo fade away. His Hyunwoo laughed and talked a lot. His Hyunwoo was full of emotions that he openly displayed to Hyungwon. He built his walls around everybody else but not around Hyungwon. 

Hyungwon _ knew _he was special to the older.

Still he felt Hyunwoo would say ‘yes, I regret it all’.

But Hyunwoo shook his head ‘no’ firmly. “No. I don’t regret a thing. I don’t regret even a second. What we did, what I did, it’s not a mistake. It never will be.” His voice was firm and decisive. Hyunwoo had laid it down clearly, all facts.

Hyungwon sagged in relief and immediately went to hug the older. Hyunwoo didn’t hug him back at first but eventually, he, too, wrapped his arms around the younger and snuggled closer.

  


Hyunwoo had felt like the air had been punched out from his chest when Hyungwon had stuttered out ‘I said yes’. 

He felt like a fool. A fool for not having the guts to give them a label, to somehow make Hyungwon agree to be his and his only.

He would’ve done anything for Hyungwon to fall for him too. And now, he was late. He wanted to cry… wanted to bang his head against a wall for being so unsure and hesitant and some other guy had swooped in in the meantime...

_ His _ Hyungwon was going to go on a date _ some random guy _ while Hyunwoo was here loving him with all his heart! How was this fair?! 

But Hyunwoo was a coward, apparently..

And fine. Okay. He wasn’t a _ random _guy. He was the vice captain. The one right below him in position. Hyunwoo was the captain of the basketball team (and the swim team). 

But his ego kind of hurt. He was better than this vice captain guy. He knew that. 

That guy actually had a reputation. And it was _ not _a good one.

He didn’t want his Hyungwon to be played.

Hyunwoo squeezed his eyes shut when his imagination conjured up stuff he _ really _did not want to think about. Things that Hyungwon would do with that guy… but not with Hyunwoo. Not first with Hyunwoo anyway. And that… he didn’t know how to handle it.

The thoughts made him want to break something apart, tear it to smithereens and he wasn’t a violent person at all. _ Far from it! _ He almost _ never _ got angry but these thoughts.. of Hyungwon doing things with that Vice Captain, taking it further with him.. _ instead of with Hyunwoo _, made his blood boil in rage.

He, unintentionally, tightened his arms around the younger, holding him possessively closer.

Hyungwon went rigid. He definitely sensed something was off. But Hyunwoo was too busy figuring out how to fuck that guy’s life up if he did _ anything _ to Hyungwon. At least if he did anything to _ mess up with _Hyungwon, anyway. 

But who was he to come in between them…

His hold slackened. Hyungwon relaxed in his arms again.

But it was his duty as the younger’s best friend to at least warn him.

He definitely did _ not _ want that jerk _ forcing _Hyungwon to do something he didn’t want to. 

Hyunwoo’s wants, desires and selfishness could go die in a ditch. Hyungwon and his happiness came first and that was that.

If that asshole ended up making Hyungwon happy, he would never come between them.

He’d always love Hyungwon but he’d stay in his limits.

He would stop kissing the younger. Starting now. Till he dated that guy..

He pulled back and sighed before saying, Hyungwon’s eyes searching his, “Date him. You don’t need my approval. But.. I’m not trying to hold you back.. but it’s my duty as your best friend to let you know that…” Hyungwon raised his eyebrows for the older to continue. Hyunwoo sighed again before saying, “He kind of has a reputation. With both guys and girls. Just be careful.”

Hyungwon nodded seriously. “Okay. And I’m telling you. You’re _ not _holding me back. Get that out of your head, okay?” He squeezed the older’s shoulder.

“Okay.” Hyunwoo breathed out.

“And hyung. It’s just _ one _date.” Hyungwon repeated what he’d said earlier and Hyunwoo just nodded as he looked away.

Something told him it wasn’t going to be just one date. And he was going to regret his lack of action way more than now, later on.

Hyungwon turned his face towards his again and Hyunwoo’s cocked an eyebrow up.

“Smile. Please. I can’t see you like this.”

Hyunwoo felt like crying though. But he smiled for the younger’s sake.

Hyungwon could see the smile did not reach the older’s beautiful eyes _ at all _.

He moved in closer, bringing their faces as close as possible without their lips meeting.

Hyunwoo wanted to laugh. But a humourless one.

Even now Hyungwon couldn’t kiss him on his own.

And currently, Hyunwoo wasn’t feeling magnanimous.

But this might one be the last time he kissed his Hyungwon.

He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly before closing the distance and capturing the younger’s lips with his own softly.

They were always soft. The younger’s lips felt like fluffy cotton candy against his own, he wanted to moan. The younger was back at treating him like he was the most precious thing in the whole wide world.

But it wasn’t working this time. He didn’t feel precious.

And he felt bad that he couldn’t be happy for the younger for being asked on a date and him actually accepting for the first time. 

Hyungwon was _ so gorgeous _that he was asked out on a regular basis. And Hyungwon had said no to some seriously good looking people.

And Hyunwoo would like to think it was because of him.

But the younger had said yes this time and he didn’t know anything anymore.

As of now, Hyunwoo wanted to kiss the younger roughly. Just once.

But now didn’t seem like the time.

If he tried that right now, Hyungwon would push him away, for sure. For the first time.

And that was a First Hyunwoo did _ not _ want _ ever _.

He kissed the younger once, twice, thrice before he felt his heart break.

He would have to stop doing this now. He couldn’t kiss his Hyungwon anymore. 

As of now, Hyungwon was still his. But the minute he’d go on that date with that guy, he’d stop being _ his _Hyungwon.

Then he’d be Hyungwon. Just Hyungwon. 

Hyunwoo ended the kiss with a brief peck and stood up from the bed, immediately facing the door.

“I should go now, Wonnie. Just.. have some stuff to do. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Hyunwoo spoke fast and walked out the door before Hyungwon could even recover from the kiss enough to process anything, let alone try to stop the older by saying or doing anything.

When his brain caught up, he realized his Hyunwoo hyung had left.

Without even saying a proper goodbye. 

Without letting Hyungwon see him off at the door to his room, with a kiss.. like they had made it a tradition since last year. 

They always kissed each other goodbye before leaving the other’s room. 

Hyunwoo broke their tradition.

And it was all Hyungwon’s fault.

Hyungwon sunk into his bed and wanted the mattress to open up and swallow him.

His Hyunwoo had left.

And now, he felt empty.

*

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/shownubear618) | [Tumblr](https://shownuchaes.tumblr.com/)  



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